Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate | adult skills

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate. Many people would be horrified and hurt if they caught their partner masturbating. We have somehow been taught to believe that masturbation is a lesser sexual activity; one that people only do if and when they don’t have a partner or aren’t satisfied by the partner that they do have. After all, no one brags about the great time they had all alone last night (though maybe they should).

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate
Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate

The short answer is that masturbation is quite different from partner sex. It’s like scratching an itch. It’s a shortcut. It is like having having cereal for lunch because you like cereal and it’s easy to prepare — it doesn’t mean that you like cereal better than, say, steak, or that you don’t like your partner’s cooking. Sex expert Bernie Zilbergeld put it this way: You don’t really need a reason for masturbating other than the fact that you want to do it.

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate

Sometimes you may be feeling sexy and also want to be alone (yes, want to be alone, not have to be alone). You may not want to deal with another person at the time, and there’s no reason why you should have to.

After all, dealing with a partner requires energy and consideration, and it is ludicrous to assume that you are going to want to expend such energy and give such consideration each time you feel sexy. Sometimes you just don’t want to be concerned with someone else’s needs and desires. And must you be?

We All Do It (And It’s Good For You)
Masturbation is so convenient that you might call it a national pastime. Surveys of American university students found that two-thirds of the women and almost all of the men reported frequent masturbation in the past 3 months (Pinkerton et al., 2002). The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that solo masturbation was the most common sexual behavior for most age groups. For example, 94% of men and 83% of women aged 25–29 report having masturbated at some point in their lifetime (Herbenick et al., 2010). And guess what?

Other studies show us that those people who were the most sexually active masturbated more often, which tell us that masturbation is not a substitute for other sexual activity (Rye and Meaney, 2007).

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate

Far from being proof of a damaged partner or a troubled relationship, masturbation is part of healthy sexual development and drive (Bancroft et al., 2002). It’s a way to learn how your body works, what excites you, what your favorite sexual fantasies are, and how you achieve the best (or maybe easiest) orgasm (Atwood and Gagnon, 1987). Research on masturbation indicates it is linked to orgasmic capacity, healthy sexual functioning, and sexual atisfaction
in relationships.

Research has found that married women who masturbate to orgasm have greater marital and sexual satisfaction than women who do not masturbate (Hurlburt and Whittaker, 1991). In fact, masturbators tend to have more positive attitudes about sexuality in general and are more likely to be orgasmic (Kelly et al., 1990).

Almost all research and commentary by legitimate sex experts focus on masturbation as a healthy practice and as a lifelong pleasure before and during a committed relationship (Laumann et al., 1994; Coleman, 2002). Again, research shows that an exchange of masturbation (touching to orgasm) improves sexual satisfaction in partnered relationships. In fact, when things are problematic in a relationship, or for an individual, sex therapists often use masturbation as a treatment for sexual inhibition, inability to have an orgasm, and other issues (Heiman and LoPiccolo, 1988; Leiblum and Rosen, 1989; Zilbergeld, 1992; Robinson et al., 1999; Coleman, 2002; Bridges and Morokoff, 2011).

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate

Masturbation Gets a Bad Rap
There is reasons that one’s own, or one’s partner’s masturbation scares a lot of people. Masturbation is probably the most stigmatized sexual behavior (other than truly antisocial or abusive acts such as child abuse or rape). Masturbation seems to be in a special class of discomfort for many people. Maybe myths about it causing blindness or hairiness or insanity are still floating around. Or perhaps, as Coleman (2002) argues, the intensity of our discomfort comes from religious and associated cultural beliefs that forbid masturbation, most often because it is only for pleasure and has no procreative value.

Coleman, head of a prestigious sex therapy program at the University of Minnesota, states: “This can lead to further problems in intra-personal and interpersonal functioning, sexual and mental disorders. Because of the stigma of masturbation promoted by many of the world’s religions, this can contribute to spiritual alienation as well” (Coleman, 2002, p. 9). Naturally, this can also cause misunderstanding of the meaning of masturbation in interpersonal relationships (Hunt, 1974; Coleman, 2002).

So What if Catch Your Partner Masturbating?
We don’t think you should worry about it if you catch your partner pleasuring him/herself. For the most part masturbation is harmless to both the person and the relationship. As Dekker and Schmidt (2003) put it “masturbation peacefully coexists with sex between partners and a loving relationship”. College students seem to agree. One study of masturbation showed little difference in how often students had masturbated during the last 4 weeks between students who were in a satisfying sexual relationship and those who had no relationship.

Three-quarters of the students stated that they felt masturbation was a form of sex in its own right and did not affect or interfere with partnered sex (Dekker and Schmidt, 2003).

However, if your partner is avoiding you, or masturbating constantly, something more than just having a few extra orgasms may be going on. It may indicate a fixation or there may be an issue with the power dynamic. Some men may be asserting their right to masturbate, or, in an extreme situation, a man may be so angry at his partner that masturbation is seen as preferable to intercourse. Conflict in a relationship may increase masturbation especially when there is long-term dissatisfaction — but this means masturbation is a symptom of the couple’s problems, not the cause (Betchen, 1991).

Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate
Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate
Only People Who Aren’t Getting Any Masturbate

In the absence of these issues, however, we believe that a sexual relationship can (and maybe should) include masturbation by either partner without any detriment to the relationship or their mutual sex life.

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